Here, here and here

You ever wake up first thing in the morning a little sad?

I don’t know what it is about today.. because it’s beautiful and not too hot yet and quiet, but I got that this morning. You know that nagging feeling that you can’t pinpoint because it’s the combination of several things and some things you just don’t want to spend too much time dwelling on and one or two things you just can’t stop thinking about? Sometimes, I sit on my back porch as I eat breakfast in the morning and think. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to talk but I also am pretty stuck in my own head sometimes.

I usually get up early because I like how quiet it is in the morning. In the midst of last night, which was 90 percent of the time, filled with intoxicated yells and an indescript other laundry list of miscellaneous noises, there’s this perfect balance first thing in the morning in Lawrence where everything is perfectly quiet. And it’s the perfect time to think. To make a decision about how your day is going to go.

And sometimes, regardless of how I decide how my day is going to go, I can’t shake my first thing in the morning feeling. It’s like it starts there and just envelopes me for the rest of the day.

And though I’m a little sad this morning, for a variety of vague reasons that I don’t necessarily feel like sharing on a public forum, I also think about all the times before that I have felt like this before and conquered. Sometimes, it’s only when you are at you’re weakest– you realize just how strong you really are. And how LUCKY you are. I feel lucky for how many mornings I got on this back porch, just by myself, just for a few moments, just to think, just before the rest of the world woke up and everything got loud again.

For the moments I feel faint, I appreciate the time I’ve spent here.

 

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