Today has been a slight disappointment.
Is it really only Tuesday?
So I really wanted to go shopping for sunglasses even though I gave it up for Lent (shopping.. not sunglasses). But instead, I had to go to Sports Authority and buy a boy’s cup for Louis. Something I would have hoped I would never have to do again. Unfortunately, I bought the wrong size because according to Louis (who refused to wear it) it would make him look like he has a giant wiener and it would probably fit his dad.
….which is now an image that I unfortunately will never get out of my brain for probably forever.
So now I have to go back to Sports Authority and buy another cup. Oh and Louis wants the kind that is a strap-on…Or something along those lines. And now I’m cringing just thinking about how I am going to describe this to the sales-guy tomorrow.
“Yeah.. um… It’s like a band. around the waist. Like a strap-on? But nothing weird! Not that you’d have anything weird here. I mean it’s a sporting goods store. They wouldn’t sell anything like that. And he’s 7! That would be really messed up right? …. Also, would you mind directing me to the nearest restroom so I can go quietly die in a bathroom stall now?”
…I’m actually considering just buying sunglasses for this conversation alone because I know I am going to spend the duration of it blushing and avoiding eye contact. God will understand. Lent doesn’t cover this subject in the Bible but I’m sure there is a clause somewhere.
I’m also disappointed because I don’t get off until 11 on Friday. Which already puts a damper to my week because I know my Friday doesn’t start when everyone else’s weekend starts. America starts their Friday at 5, people. But apparently, this is not so for Austrian Family’s nannies. And yes, in case many of you were wondering, I have considered sneaking out and catching a ride to leave earlier, but the fact that I would have to resort to the type of antics I would have pulled in high school as a now college graduate is more depressing than it is thrilling. Furthermore, if I lost my job over sneaking out the window on a Friday night from the family’s house I nanny, I’d probably have to lie to everyone forever because there is no way I’d ever live that down. ..Though it is slightly tempting.
But it’s really not one particular thing that has made today disappointing. It’s not the fact that Louis decided to eat his rice concoction in the back of my car and now my backseat looks like Japan exploded and I am going to have spend a good 30 minutes cleaning up each individual rice particle by hand. (I just realized this sounds like a reference to Hiroshima though I assure you this was not my original intention. Unintentional politically incorrect jokes are kind of my thing) And it’s not that Adina is leaving on some 5th grade retreat tomorrow AM and she has yet to pack. Which is will be a horrific and terrifying experience for me because we will have to pull everything out of her closet and then she will go frolic outside and I will cry internally as I have to put pretty much everything we just took out, away again. And it’s not that today was cloudy and rainy even though I desperately wanted to go to the beach and meet Matthew McConaughey and convince him I am his soul mate and to leave his fiance and run away to Aruba together where we will play card games and watch the sunset until Justin Bieber is old enough to take his place.
No… it’s not necessarily one certain thing. It’s hard to explain. But if I have to… I guess it’s kind of like this:
I’m going to guess that ever girl can agree that she’s looking for that one kiss. You know the one I’m talking about. The spiderman-castaway-notebook-hybrid kiss in the pouring rain against a concrete wall wearing water proof mascara and some kind of expensive silk dress (that will be ruined because of this experience but FOCUS on the kiss people) which both flatters every single contour of your body even while soaked from head to toe AND makes you resemble a dripping Victoria’s Secret model while doing so (does this dress exist? Can I please have it in every color?). Yeah. You know what I am talking about.
Oh and for the sake of dreaming- David Grey’s This Year’s Love should be playing in the background. Or for you slow jams kids, maybe some Urrrsher. Or T-Pain. No wait… Chris Brown… is that too soon? I digress.
But I’m also going to guess that most people who are in relationships, or even not in relationships, hell, if you’ve ever been kissed at all, this is nothing but a figment of your imagination. Because truthfully, universally, this just isn’t happening.
…Which is just totally unacceptable in my opinion.
Why can I not expect this!? I happen to think high expectations are healthy. I think every girl should expect this kiss sometime in their lifetime. I think personally for myself, I will now proceed to expect it several times. I can even be flexible and nix the background music and sisterhood of the traveling pants magic -esque silk dress. I’d be happy for that kiss in sweat pants. …Tight yoga pants. Preferably black. But still. I think that’s a very mature compromise.
So basically.. I wake up each morning with high expectations. Hey, ANYTHING could happen today. I mean, sure there’s a large chance that nothing exciting will occur. That my biggest accomplishment today will be that I ironed ten 150 dollar t-shirts in record timing and didn’t burn myself. Or that I didn’t set Louis’s lunchbox on fire because he keeps using it as a trash recepticle and it smells like a rotten potato. Or that I didn’t spend 200 dollars on a pair of RIDICULOUS ray-bans that would have probably changed my life.
No, each day I wake up with the hope that maybe something a little more exciting than ‘business as usual‘ will occur. And once again, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. High expectations are pretty much the staple of any American girl’s childhood. Ask any fairytale Princess…. Yeah, I’m looking at you Disney.
So along with my daily expectations, also comes some unavoidable occasional disappointment. In many aspects of life. I expect more from experiences. From events. From relationships. And I know there is a very fine line between high expectations and being just straight delusional. I tend to think I tread that line very carefully. Because I know the difference between having standards and just being high-maintenance. Between completely settling and wanting the moon. I’m not demanding Justin Timberlake here, people. All I’m saying, is there’s a chance.
..But even worse than disappointment? Letting it jade you.
Because it’s easy to be jaded. It’s something I could very easily be. Something a lot of people are. You get disappointed enough and you come to expect disappointment as your expectation for each day. You settle. Maybe you don’t deserve better. You’ll probably never get that RIDICULOUS kiss anyway. Might as well appreciate the occasional peck. Better off sitting on your couch watching Desperate Housewives as you slowly (or quickly) let yourself go.
Honestly, I’d rather buy Louis the wrong cup size everyday of the week than adopt this philosophy into my psyche.
…Because I am getting that kiss.
And all the people settling for second best can watch it happen from their living room couch with all their jaded sub-par expectations and wish it was them.
Because the difference between me and them is this:
I know disappointing days are bound to occur. Sub-par, completely average days. Days where you buy the wrong cup size for a seven year old boy and waste 15 dollars in gas by doing so. Days where you wait for a phone call that doesn’t come. Days where you hope you’ll run into someone who never shows. Days where it rains all day long when all you want is one minute of sunshine. Days with green shit between your teeth. Days with coffee down your shirt. Boring days. Sad days. Days like the first Tuesday in the month of March.
I guess for me… disappointing days are necessary. Because it makes me appreciate the moments when my high expectations are not only met, but exceeded. And that’s true across the board. You need shitty experiences. Failed relationships. Things to not go as planned. Time and time and time again. Because when things do go right? When they go better than right? That’s what I’m talking about. That’s what I wake up expecting. Right there. That’s the kiss.
So Wednesday? I’m looking right at you babe. And I’m expecting big things…