50 shades of Grey: my thoughts on Orange Juice

Pretty much every time I board a plane, I’m afraid that this time is going to finally be the time it’s actually going to crash.

I realize that this is an incredibly morbid and a kind of twisted way of looking at flying, but I really can’t help it. Anytime there’s even the slightest bit of turbulence, I rediscover religion and pray to variety of deities to cover all my bases. When the plane levels out, I send them a “good one guys” and “until next air pocket 30,000 feet above” glance into space. And then, I chill. Until we land, in which case, the cycle repeats.

And perhaps this is slightly neurotic.

However, I would like to argue that in terms of irrational fears, I think it’s at least semi-realistic. I have a guy friend who thinks that the giant windmills in rural Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa etc. are going to uproot themselves during his road trips, fly through the air and essentially decapitate him in his own car. I find this a lot more neurotic and irrational. I have also suggested several times that he see therapy for this fear, as this seems much more far-fetched than dying in a fiery airplane crash. But whatever. I’m clearly in no place to judge as I’m currently on an extremely bumpy plane ride and have grabbed the armrest next to me with a vulcan-like death grip no less than 5 different times.

On the other hand, airplanes are also incredibly therapeutic for me. I can’t look at the Internet, I can’t look at my phone, I don’t really talk to anyone- it’s pretty much just me, my thoughts, and my gigantic irrational fear that this will be the last plane ride ever.

So I think its fair to say its kind of like every time I fly, I see my life flash before my eyes. Except it’s typically over a two plus hour period, and it’s usually more focused on a problem I’m currently dealing with as opposed to my life from the time I was a fetus.

So as I sit here and listen to music and the flight attendants tell all passengers to turn off all portable electronics and I blatantly ignore this and the person next to me reminds me that it’s unsafe to have my iPad on and therefore I should turn it off and so I remind them that it’s also unsafe to talk to strangers and therefore they should mind their own business– I have some thoughts I thought I’d share because otherwise I’ll have to sit here and think about my irrational fear of plane crashes and the odds of me surviving on an island such as in Lost with the rude person next to me who is also clearly reading over my shoulder.

I feel like a lot of time, we want to put things in black and white. Either something is blatantly wrong or something is blatantly right. Obviously, it’s never that simple. There’s grey in every decision we make. And thank god, because who wants life to be that straightforward and boring right?

….Um, how about me?

Why must everything be so freaking complicated? Why can’t I just make a decision and KNOW full well it’s the right decision, that there is no doubt, no uncertainties, no what ifs, no maybes, just full-out black and white this is the correct answer?

Why can’t major life decisions be like drinking orange juice?

Orange juice is the same in every scenario of consumption. No matter the brand, in a carton, or a glass- you can count on the fact that if it’s orange and liquified and is advertised as juice, it’s going to taste the same. I just want some choices I make with that absolute certainty. That if I drink the juice, it’s going to taste, look and feel like juice.

And yet, even though we know life isn’t the frozen fruit concentrate aisle, we pretend it is. And because of this, I think it’s sort of natural to categorize everything. Places, experiences and of course, most commonly, people.

For instance, who hasn’t gone through a breakup where friends/family/acquaintances have the automatic propensity to refer to your ex as an “insert explicit here”.

That bitch.

That douchebag.

That asshole.

We hate him.

He’s dead to us.

She’s a complete psycho.

He’s a narcissistic prick.

She’s clearly a straight up high maintenance crazy bipolar nappy headed ho. (I don’t know how accurate that last statement is but I feel like at some point in pop culture history it’s been said, and therefore should be recognized accordingly).

And thanks and everything friends, but let’s be real here. By doing this, we are essentially making the people of our past (whatever our relationship with them was) into juice. We categorize them. They are either flawed beyond recognition, or put into little glass encased pedestals of perfection. They are either/or. Black and white. Expired. Fresh. Bottled, Boxed, sealed… concentrated orange juice.

I hate when people do this. I do it too. But I really hate hearing it regardless. The people of our past are who they are all day long. They treated us badly. They weren’t who we thought they were. Whatever. But something, somewhere, at some point, was right. There was a reason that it worked. No matter how something ended. And because of this, there’s no way we can put someone entirely into one category either way. Like, maybe she was crazy, but she was also fun. And that crazy fun personality is the reason you fell in love with her in the first place. Or maybe he did cheat on you. But he’s the first guy who ever made you really smile. And that smile for the rest of your life, is only ever going to belong to him.

I don’t know! My point is, writing anyone or anything off as an either all or nothing, seems jaded and immature. Were human beings. We are not juice. We make mistakes and we say the wrong thing and we fall short of others expectations. But were also good beyond measure. We sacrifice. We give. We love. And because we’re always both of these- both simultaneously good and bad, wrong and right- it is my belief that everyone and everything are both nothing and everything.

Were all just…grey.

Knowing this doesn’t change the past. It doesn’t change who people really are. And doesn’t change the chain of events that lead you to where you are now. And it certainly doesn’t make decisions to move forward without certain people in your life any less difficult. I would argue actually, it makes it harder. Because you recognize and realize both sides exist in every person.

But that’s also not the point. The point is, there’s never going to be a ‘right’ answer for the choices we are forced to make. There are consequences and benefits to every decision we choose to pursue. Every person from our past impacts our present in both a positive and negative way. No person is completely an island of good. Or a sea of evil. And we can put everything and everyone in neat little boxes and package them up as mistakes we want to just leave in the past or as regrets we wish we could try again or we can be honest with ourselves, and accept…. maybe they were a little bit of both.

So that’s where I’m at on this little pensive plane ride. Wondering if certain decisions I’ve made recently are the right ones, knowing that there is no real ‘right’ answer and finally realizing that I have to accept this very vague ambiguous but painfully true life lesson. That people aren’t always who you thought they were. But at the same time, they’re exactly who you thought they were. That were always going to have both a dark and light side to us and it’s a daily choice to decide which one you’re going to see in people.

And to the people of my past, who others have written off as black and white, good and bad, right and wrong- Know this.

That wherever you are in this world

whatever you’re doing

whatever you become

for me

forever and today–

I still will always only see you…

as just several shades of grey.

M

close your eyes and blow.

Today is my 23rd birthday. 

…I don’t really know what to say about that actually. I guess mostly, it’s a Monday. I am sober. I have to work. Which is also fine! I like my job and I actually enjoy being sober (I know that’s a shocking statement) BUT ( and come on, you knew the but was coming).. I kind of can’t help but think about last year on this day.

It was graduation day. My entire family was in town. My best friends were all in one place. Everyone was celebrating anyway (so logically, I just assumed they were all celebrating my birthday as well) and honestly? It was easily one of the best days of my entire life (thus far. Let’s not sell ourselves short just yet). I remember sitting on a bar stool in the martini room thinking.. this is the best day of my life. Shit! Not Yet! How am I going to top this next year? Oh well. That’s a lonnnng freaking time from now. More tequila please. I am young, wild and free. Let’s drink to our youth! And my birthday! Yeehaw!

 (Also.. Nick, please send Mom and Dad home. No one should see me in this state.)

….

…..

….

(….= time passing)

…..Oh hello, 23rd birthday. Yikes. Where did you come from? 

I’m a bit of a mixed bag about this day. And where I am in life on it. I had a very introspective weekend where I dog-sat for my friend and spent about 67 percent of it in her apartment talking to this animal like it was a close and personal confident as I watched a Harry Potter marathon on tv and ate cereal out of a box. A couple of thoughts on this before I continue: 

1- I am way too young to be experiencing a scene out of a Renee Zellweger movie. Furthermore, if I am going to be experiencing one of those introspective finding myself Friday nights talking to animals and listening to Alanis Morrisette movie moments, I at least want it to be the Cameron Diaz drinking wine screaming the killers in a cottage in London scene. Come on, Universe. Do me a solid and throw me a bone on this one. (And an actual bone for my new BFF Pax)

Note: Dana, your dog is still alive. I know he looks dead here but I checked his pulse and he’s def still breathing.

Regardless, I think in both of these movies, Cameron and Renee end up with hot british dudes. So, I’m going to go ahead and assume my life will also follow this route. I think that’s fair. 

and 2) ….I don’t think I can speak enough on the subject that I wish Hogwarts was a real place and that I’m still very bitter about the fact that I am not a wizard. I feel like this is something I’m never going to get over. These are normal thoughts right? Alright,shut up. I spent a weekend with a dog. I’m lacking social normalcy right now.


Anyway, mostly, I’m putting serious effort into not pulling a “poor, poor, pitiful Meg and her sad little life in LA full of sunshine and puppies” day. But allow me to have a couple moments where I mourn the fact that I can’t re-live my previous birthday on a continuous life-reel for all of eternity. Just give me that. Ok? Ok. Thanks. 

So I was talking to a friend (an actual friend guys, no more dog jokes) about this a few days ago. How I was sad that things would be so different this year.  And this is what she said:

“Yeah. You could look at it like that. OR you could see it like this. You live in an awesome new city. You just got a great new job. You have fun new friends out there. And yeah, it’s a Monday and you’re at work and we aren’t all with you and it’s different than last year. But why can’t that still be a good thing?”

First of all, uh WOAH!? When did I go and become friends with effing Ghandi? That was some seriously insighful shit Carly McBride!  And second of all, she’s absolutely right. Here I am feeding all you guys this don’t dwell in the past, look to the future, keep your eyes in front inspirational mumbo-jumbo and I can’t even do that myself?

THE SHAME MEG.

THE SHAME. 

Alright kids. So I’m human ( I know, I know. You all thought I was a super hero). And I’m allowed some days where I fall off the Rhianna LIVE YOUR LIFE train and have to crawl back on board like some creepy Chris Brown character (I’m not exactly sure where I am going with this analogy but it’s fine, just run (it) with me here). Because honestly, She speaks the truth.

It’s perspective.

It’s attitude.

It’s all how you look at things. 

Because life is full of sober birthday mondays. Days where you can let yourself be several shades of sad over the day it isn’t OR you can let yourself be happy that it isn’t just a Monday. It’s your birthday. And that makes it at least a little bit better just by being that. So no, I’m not doing tequila shots at my desk (sadly). And I’m not celebrating with my best friends from college in my favorite bar in the world. And I’m not with my family. And I don’t even know if anyone at my job will know I’m 23 today. BUT THAT’S OK! Because I am going to be happy and celebrate regardless. Today is my day, friends. And I’m not letting anyone or anything take that from me. 

So in conclusion, Happy freaking birthday to me! I’m allowed to wish myself happy birthday right? 

….Oh well, screw it. I don’t care.

Doing it anyway. 

Thanks Bieber 🙂

m

An open letter to the class of 2012

Yesterday was graduation day for many of my very close friends.

And as they walked down the hill and became alumnae to the best school in the country and perhaps the world (RCJH, can I get an amen?), I had several nostalgic moments myself thinking about the graduate I was just one year ago. Also… why is this song called “Pomp and Circumstance”? I must google this later. 

Anyway, in light of graduation day, I thought it appropriate to share the wisdom I’ve accumulated after a year of being out of the rose-colored umbrella that is college. 

So when you’re all done drinking away your sorrows, hungover in your various beds wondering what’s next? Well.. There’s this.

In regards to the top ten things I’ve learned this past year I present-

An open letter to the Class of 2012:

Dear friends,

10- You’re going to be emotionally schizophrenic.

I remember the second I realized it was over. It was the middle of the night three days after graduation and I woke up from a dead sleep -circa 4:13 am- with incredible panic and sadness racing through my entire body. Everything was about to change! Indefinitely. FOREVER. And this isn’t fair! Because I’m happy! I’m stable! I know my place here! Why does that all have to be stripped away from me? What do you mean “happy graduation”? This isn’t happy. This is terrible. This is the saddest day of my life. Stop saying congratulations. Cant you see I’m in mourning? And then of course theres the ‘so what are your plans now?’ question. Is “good fucking question” an acceptable response here?… I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night. My life was over. Sleep was irrelevant. As far as I was concerned, graduating pretty much fell along the same lines as running directly into a concrete wall repeatedly or jumping out of a plane with no parachute. This was tragic and I refused to celebrate.

And I was up and down. I was so happy and I was so sad. I was frustrated and excited and lonely and crazy and pretty much an emotional freakazoid. 

And truthfully, I spent a good amount of time feeling this way. Even coming back, and seeing my friends going through those same feelings I remember that pain. That frustration. That desire to just encompass your life in this one moment and continuously live this day over and over again until you personally were ready to move on. 

Unfortunately, everything has an ending. But luckily, everything also has a beginning.  And eventually, these crazy moments begin to mellow out.

(….Ok, lets be real. I still have moments of emotional instability. But I chalk this up more to my gender and the amount of coffee I’ve consumed as opposed to my sadness of college being over. Like everything else in this life, moving on is a process.)

9. Some days are better than others.

You’ll wake up some mornings and be fine. College is over. Your friends moved away. You don’t have a job. But it’s cool guys! You’re alive and alcohol exists. Survival. You got this day in the bag.

But some days, all it takes is one little thing to tip you off and your whole day is ruined just wishing you could go back. I remember working in the fitting room at Anthropologie folding my 700th t-shirt and looking at Facebook about the first day of school. The first day that I wasn’t a part of. The first day I would never experience again. And then, all the progress I thought I had made went right out the window and I was back to being an emo zombie creature mourning college like some ex-boyfriend from my past I just couldn’t get over. 

For these situations… Trader joes has really cheap wine. My advice? Go. Now. 

8. You’ll probably go through at least 300 quarter life crises.

Through the course of the last year, I’ve decided to go to grad school at least 8 different times. I wanted to be a lawyer. A nutritionist. A personal trainer. Maybe I’ll go to culinary school. I should join the peace corps. I want a real job. I don’t want a real job. I’m going to turn into a crazy cat lady. I am already a crazy cat lady. I hate cats. Am I going to be a nanny for the rest of my life? Does my college degree mean nothing? It’s fine I’ll just spoon feed myself from this large jar of Nutella….Oh. Thanks a heap for knocking maintenance man. Yes.. this is exactly what it looks like. IM GOING THROUGH A “FIND MYSELF” PERIOD OK?! 

7. Misery loves company.

Hey kid, you’re not alone! That’s probably the best part of this post-grad depression. Everyone is going through a little version of their own little battle to move forward with their lives. My roommate and I had several nights where all we did was sit in our little apartment and dissect our plan of attack for our future. And typically…it ended with the only major decision being made that we needed ice cream. Immediately. Thats a good rule of thumb by the way–When in doubt, (which when you’re 22 is pretty much your default setting) The answer is usually ice cream. 

But still, sugar aside, those conversations were the best. Because above all else, we still had each other. And ultimately, when I would go to bed each night..It was nice knowing she also didn’t know what the hell she was doing with her life either.  It was really hard. But I wasn’t alone. And for now, that had to be enough. 

6. You aren’t going to figure it all out anytime soon. So stop trying. 

Life plans.. Who needs ’em? Somedays you just have to wake up and face that day and only that day.For instance, today is Monday, May 14th. And today is one of those days for me. I will breathe and eat and exist and then I will go to bed. I will not figure out where I will be when I’m 28. When I am 32. When I am 57. I will not meet my soul mate. I will not get my big break. But… Hell. Maybe I will. Thats the point.

Stop trying to figure out the future. Your 20’s are like middle school and you just figured out you like the opposite sex and your voice is constantly cracking and your fashion sense is somewhere between what your mom picked out for you and wearing skirts so short that your teacher makes you put on basketball shorts as to not excite all the 12-year-old boys you so desperately want the attention of. Yep. Thats your 20’s in a nutshell. Awesome right?

You can’t change how awkward things are. How uncertain. How unstable. And your voice is going to continue to sound like a pre-pubescent Bieber and girls are forever going to be a mystery. So the sooner you learn and accept this, the better. You know nothing. And thats ok!

None of us do.

5. Don’t get stuck.

I live in LA. I just got a job at an awesome magazine. I’m moving to the beach! Holla, life is good. And you want to know why? Because I went through my own little version of hell to get here. It’s easy to stay somewhere because you are afraid of change. Change is terrifying. You don’t think it was scary as hell for me to move to a place I’ve never been to live with people I’ve never met and not know a single soul? I used to look in the mirror and think “This is what it looks like to go crazy. I am going insane. I have lost my mind.” But, was going a little crazy worth it? Yes. Absolutely. Because I refuse to get stuck. Believe me when I say, LA is hardly my final destination. Because I’m going places. And I don’t just mean travel. 

4. You aren’t going to keep in touch with A LOT of people. (But it’s never too late to fix that!)

Post grad is weird for relationships. For me, most of my very good friends split to different parts of the country and almost immediately, I found myself thrown into an entirely new friend group. And it wasn’t necessarily that I was meeting new people, It was like banding together with those left behind. People you kind of knew during college but now only after so many other friends left, did you really find yourself in legitimate friendships with. And all of a sudden these people become the ones that matter. Others slowly disappear. Serious relationships. Job relocations. Time intensive graduate school. Whatever. The point is, communication gets harder. And those that stick around.. That make the effort, Well those are the ones you learn you can really count on. Someone can live in the same city as you, but if they never call.. Well they might as well be a million miles away. Keep those people in your life. A place is only as good as the company you keep. 

3. You’re going to fail. A lot. ( and if you’re anything like me, you will do so epically and in large proportions)

I worked in retail. Which was awful. And I hated. And I was miserable. And then I scraped by as a glorified babysitter. Which was ok.. But hardly something that would sustain me long-term. So then I moved to Malibu and awkwardly tried to be a live-in nanny which I don’t think I even have to say how badly that went. I remember crying in my little apartment alone one of my last nights and thinking I was going to end up as a homeless bag lady. Oh and then, I was unemployed. And I couch surfed. And I basically lived out of my car. And I had several soul searching evenings involving abandoned parking lots and long distance phone calls. And this is all this past year! But the thing is, you have to fail. Failing makes you grow. You have to believe in things that fall through. You have to put faith in people who let you down. You have to fall in love and get your heart broken. You have to take shitty jobs and go through shitty situations. You have to get burned. You have to be disappointed. You have to do all of these things because it’s called living. Regrets make you learn.  And I can’t even imagine all the other ways I’m probably going to screw up as I move forward in this life.. But I do know one thing. Every mistake I make is making me better. And I’m not going to allow the regrets of my past  jade any part of my future. I’m learning. I’m moving forward. Fail on, my friends.

2. You’re never going to be here again.

This person you are right now? Reading this? A totally different person than you will be a year from now. One year ago, I was terrified. I saw graduation and I saw a black hole. The name of this particular hole was entitled “Meg’s Future.” And I was slowly being sucked into its directionless abyss. Kicking and screaming, but still. It was inevitable. The future waits for no one. All of a sudden you wake up and it’s the present. And you can continue living for the past, or you can accept the fact that it’s over, it was great and perfect, but it will never happen again. Relationships, experiences, memories, they’re all the same in this way. The only way to truly move forward, is not to mourn, but instead appreciate what was will never be the same again.

So graduates, welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life. Allow yourself to be a little sad, but know that you’ll get through it, like we all do. 

Which brings me to my final point. 

Yes, class of 2012, there is life after college.

There is happiness. There is fun! There are new experiences. And new relationships. And you will continue to thrive and learn and survive. You’ll feel confused and unstable about 90 percent of the time. But hopefully, you won’t get stuck. You’ll learn to love what you had, continuously look forward to what’s to come and most importantly, enjoy the day that’s directly in front of you. And I hope you do things that scare you. And try things that may (and probably will) fail. And I hope you go and see the world. And open your heart to relationships that may break your heart. And just be different. And crazy! Because yes, college is over. But your life sure as hell isn’t. 

So, I’m going to say something that one year ago, I hated hearing. Because now, I understand. I finally get it. It took a year and it will probably continue to take several more years but here we go:

With utmost honest sincerity, I want to say congratulations to the Class of 2012. But I’m not saying congrats because you survived college. Or you made the grades. Or you walked down some hill and got some degree. I’m saying congratulations because you made friends. And memories. And experiences. And college aside, that’s called living! You did it. You successfully LIVED through the past 4 years of your life. And so if you’re still sitting there and wondering now what?

…. How about going and living the rest of it?

Sincerely,

A girl who’s been there

The dog days are over (A “Meg and the Machine” Remix)

Lately, I’ve been having a really hard time just sitting down and writing something I want to actually publish.

I’ve given it some thought as to why this is and I’ve come to the bittersweet conclusion, I write my best and most frequent when my life is most frustrating or unhappy.

And so ironically (possibly not ironically as I’ve never really quite grasped the concept of irony which I blame 90 percent on Alanis Morisette), my writers block is directly correlated to the fact that I am- for the first time in a while- really, really happy with my life.

And so the other day (yesterday), I was running around Hollywood and I was suddenly overcome but an overwhelming sense of fear and suspicion.

WHY is everything going right?
WHY am I so happy?
I became very scared something horrible was about to happen. My life isn’t supposed to be going this well. I considered falling off the sidewalk I was running on to restore balance to my universe.
 
But then (after thinking about the pain that would be involved in falling, not to mention the potential embarrassment) I realized:
You know what? Why the hell can’t I be this happy?
Why are other people allowed the luxury of luck and fortunate circumstance and I have to settle for average and the occasional pat on the back?
 
No way.
I moved out to Los Angeles to do something with my life. And part of that is being happy with where I am. And if that is finally what is happening… why am I questioning it? I don’t think I am alone in feeling like this. When things go right, I think it’s human nature to assume that something is bound to go wrong. Well you know what? Screw human nature. I have decided I deserve to be happy. In whatever I am doing, forever and ever. And also, that I am very good at uprooting myself and changing my situation if I am not happy where I am.
 
After my Malibu(hoo) experience, I became really frustrated. Not that I’d ever normally tell anyone that over a large anonymous facade such as a blog post. As far as any of you knew, things were a day at the beach. Maybe a wave or two but nothing I couldn’t handle. But really, it wasn’t like that at all.

Moving to California was admittedly a slight shot in the dark. I didn’t know what to expect but I certainly didn’t think I would be sitting on my bed in the basement of some family’s house that I never really felt home in questioning so many parts of my life I almost made myself sick. If I couldn’t be a live-in nanny, how could I possibly handle a “real” job? Maybe I’m not cut out for a career. What the hell is wrong with me? I could go on. But the point is, I felt like a huge failure.

This was supposed to be easy.

This was supposed to be fun.

I was supposed to be happy.

There wasn’t really a life plan after getting here but  nothing was going according to what I wanted either.

And yet, I am so glad I went through that experience. Because just a little over a month ago, I climbed out of yet another heart-breaking situation only to rise above it. So, I’m a terrible house keeper. So I’d rather eat dead cockroaches than mop floors (slight exaggeration. No effing way would I ever eat dead cockroaches. But I digress) So, I’m a disappointment of a live-in nanny. So what?

Because of that time in my life, I got here. I came to LA. I met people. And because of all that, I finally, finally have a job that mirrors that of my peers. I can finish my 9-5 knowing that there is a happy hour created just for that purpose. I can wake up in the morning knowing that all the awkward uncomfortable unstable uncertain 12 months of my past since I graduated just one year ago were worth it. Because I am finally, finally working toward something. And I am finally where I am supposed to be.

I am happy.

And YOU KNOW WHAT!? There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! Tomorrow, I might win the lottery (probably not because I don’t really know how to buy a ticket.. still. But just go with me here) and be handed the keys to my dream car and meet Justin Bieber and I will take all of it with a smile knowing that life’s too short to waste it wondering why I deserve all these wonderful things happening to me. Sometimes, good things happen to good* (really Santa, I have been) people. And that’s ok!  Sometimes, bad things happen. And that sucks! But you can sit here questioning why both occur or you can work to accept what you are given regardless of circumstance.

But getting stuck in your own head or getting stuck permanently in your own despair seems kind of pointless. I wasn’t happy in Malibu. I know on paper it looked perfect, but for me, it wasn’t right. So I set my jaw and accepted the bleak frontier of unemployment. I accepted that I was going to have to live out of boxes. I accepted that for an unknown amount of time, I wasn’t going to really know what was going on with my life. But I didn’t accept being miserable in a place I knew was a dead-end for me. And there’s a difference you know? I wasn’t happy not having a job. But I was a lot less happy having a job that I hated.

To me, a place is only as good as the people you are with. So you can be in the most beautiful location in the world but if you don’t have anyone there that you really care about or want to be around, you might as well be in prison. Because you won’t be happy.

So…. I’m happy guys! I’m finally going to move in somewhere where I have my own bed (this is HUGE when it feels like nothing in a room is yours). I have a job at Conde Nast Traveler magazine that I think I am going to LOVE where I work down the hallway from publications like GQ and Vanity Fair and I’m surrounded by happy people who like their jobs and their lives (at least most of the time. I haven’t had a chance to psycho-analyze everyone yet…. I’m not working in Candyland or anything. I’ve already seen a few Vogue interns run past me scared for their life. But it’s Vogue. So, that’s actually kind of fun.) I get to live in one of the coolest cities in America, maybe the world, and traffic tickets aside… I love it here.

…But I had to go through that time in my life where nothing was going right to get where I am. I had to accept the fact that I was going to have to be unstable and unsure for a while before I reaped the benefits. And I’m not naive in thinking that I am not going to continue having those times of uncertainty and unhappiness. But the difference is that I know when things are going right, when I am happy, I’m going to enjoy it. I’m not going to hide that. Because I deserve it. Because I’m worth it!

So here’s my little call to action for today. Are you happy? If so, GOOD! Don’t hide that. Grin like a freaking weirdo because you can. And if you aren’t, well then change kid! Because I am convinced that life is how you look at it. Things will never be perfect. But you can sit around at your boring job that you hate, or you can quit knowing you can and WILL do better. You can cry on your couch that your love life is in a rut, or you can actually go out and meet new people. You can hate your body and eat your feelings or you can actually put down the ice cream and go on a walk. You can be drowning in financial debt or you can stop using your credit card and start utilizing a savings account.

You can question why you’re so freaking happy and consider falling off the sidewalk to justify your new found elation or…

You can decide that maybe feeling this way is ok.

And just keep running.

Because life’s about how you choose to look at it.

And today, I choose to be happy.

So. THERE. Universe.

Bring it on.

m