I’ve been feeling lately a lot like that scene in the movie Looper where the guy’s life is on a reel and he does the same thing over and over and over and over again. And he gets older and slower but the routine remains the same.
( because I’m a P.I.M.P gangsta like JGL. Actually just conceptually, not like plot wise. Whatever. Read this.)
a sample template:
I wake up every morning saying I am going to go running.
I don’t go running.
I lay in bed.
I read my email.
I check my facebook.
I check my twitter.
I check my instagram.
I check my work email. (slave to the man, yeah I am.)
I look at the clock.
I still have enough time to go running!!!
….I don’t go running.
I finally get up.
I eat oatmeal (insert banana! maybe some blueberries in that biz if I’m feelin’ nuts)
I get ready (bed head chic– pronounced sheeek)
I drive to work. (like a BAMF)
I work. (super efficiently, diligently and energetically I might add)
I drive home. (to Ke$ha. Everyone listen to this song if you want to rock.)
I eat dinner. (microwaved eggs FTW)
I sit on my couch. (or bed. or floor.)
I clean my room.
I put on my workout gear. (PUT ON YO SHOES!)
I think about running.
I think about running.
I think. about. running.
DUDE COME ON!
….And I’m RUNNING!!!!!!!!!!
I die. (can’t breathe. can’t fucking breathe. Oh! There’s a hot guy. This shit is a breeze. I AM SUPERWOMAN! and he’s gone. As you were. I can’t breathe. I can’t feel my pinky toe. I hate everything….)
I sit on my bed. (lay really. I am defeated.)
I look at the time.
I have enough time to write.
I don’t write.
And. I. repeat.
How do I break the cycle!?!?
I sound like a 90’s grunge band. Shout out to Pearl Jam. You guys inspire me. No not really, but I do like some Foo Fighters. David Grohl, babe. Dave Freaking Grohl. Hey by the way Dave you get free lunch at some place on Venice Boulevard. I read it on a billboard. It said, “Free lunch if you’re David Grohl.” So if you’re reading this…
Today during the drive home bit, I called a friend I haven’t talked to in ages. And she actually (imagine that– how vintage!) picked up.
And we talked and it was friggin’ lovely. McDeese I miss you and I know you’re not reading this because we talked about in our phone convo how you don’t read. Which you should! Especially to support me asshole. Just kidding. I love you. Visit me. Read this. Dammit.
But anyway– then, I thought about how when people call me and I screen their calls and I’m like well if I’m going to talk to them I really want to talk to them and I don’t really feel like catching up right now, so I’ll call them back later.
And later turns into a week, a month, two months.. etc. And so instead of giving them a little time, I give them no time.
And instead of catching up then, I let more space sit between us, more life events that I’m not taking a part in knowing about. And then when we do catch up an entire crucial scenario in my life, something that has absolutely rocked my world and changed who I am becomes nothing more than a couple of sentences.
Like “Oh yeah. It didn’t work out. Were not talking anymore.” or “Yeah! I got that job. It’s going well.” or “We grew apart, it happens.”
Just a vague, flat-lined one sentence description of something that may have totally turned your life around and left you for dead but now months later, catching up over a 30 min conversation, you don’t see the value or benefit in rehashing the whole thing and so this person will never grasp the magnification of just how complicated these few simple sentences really actually were.
Because that’s what catching up is when you put it off. It’s like trying to do weeks and weeks worth of laundry in one load. It gets kind of clean but mostly it just gets wet.
Anyway. I thought… I mean.. I just wanted to say I’m sorry to my friends who I’ve let our friendships just get wet in the washing machine of life.
Also to say maybe I’ll start writing little things like this so that my writing doesn’t just come in giant loads either. Though the thought of people reading this all getting wet with my giant laundry load of words.. makes me LOL as I write this. Alas, maturity isn’t my strong suit. Thank god for good grammar and a large vocabulary.
Looping this sucker out, I got some laundry and running and writing to do.
Enjoy your Wet (and wild?? I hope so.) Wednesday.