2+2=5 (I know. I don’t get it either.)

Outside patio, day-time:

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This episode in my life begins with me on my suburban home and garden patio, soaking up the midwest sun before it fades into yet ANOTHER FREAKING RAINSTORM which is becoming borderline absurd if not, at the very least, incredibly annoying to my suntan and more importantly, my hair. As the final days of my unemployment draw to close, I reflect on my crazy anti-career victory lap that went entirely too long; though now closing in on the finish line– I can see something that looks like vaguely like a purpose.

I still don’t know exactly why I’m here. I think about that a lot, knowing how much I love LA and being in a big city, and yet somehow, for some explanation, I forge ahead where I’m at. There’s reasons things don’t work out and there’s reasons things do and unfortunately (and also fortunately) those reasons only really become apparent as time goes on.

I think back to 3 years ago and graduating, when I first started writing Leftovers From Friday and what a confused little character I was. Often, I wonder just how much progress I’ve really made. I mean, if I was watching a tv show of myself right now and at the end of the 2nd season I end up back in Denver– living with my parents (the horror, really) I would be sitting on the edge of my couch in suspense. Uh, whoa Walter White. Carrie Mathison. Frank Underwood. Did NOT see that one coming! What else are you capable of? The television version of my life is plot twist after unbelievable plot twist. I can’t stop watching. Because seriously, what happens next?

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Yet, here I am. I continue to surprise, astonish, and shock even myself.

It’s the greatest show I’ve ever seen, this whole not having a 10-year or even a 5-year plan. I like to pretend I’m an hour-long drama at times, but if we’re being real, I’m just a 30-minute sitcom, with no laugh track. I’m the real-life Seinfeld, a show that’s kind of about nothing, but also applicable to everything. Hilariously, I still keep trying to make life plans despite the fact that since graduating college, since leaving formal education, pretty much nothing in my life has gone according to “plan.”

But yet, as time unfolds, as the show goes on, I’ve learned that part of figuring out life is just as much figuring out what you don’t want to do, as what you do. It’s figuring out who you can count on, as much as figuring out who you can’t. Some episodes, I let people down. Others, I’m the one whose disappointed. I’m both the villain and the hero. Because you’re kidding yourself if you think you are always the protagonist in your own story. I can be my own (and my only) worst enemy sometimes. I can destroy myself with just my thoughts. Drive myself insane when things don’t go as I wanted them to, as I expected them to. Throw down mental static interference when 2 plus 2 equals 5.

“But it’s supposed to be 4!”, I scream to no one. Usually in the shower. I was told it’s 4! 18 years of education and my entire life still equals 5 and my commitment remote is broken, and what is that even and I don’t like who they’ve cast as the male lead in this show because… oh right there is no male lead and then I’m just like ok Liz Lemon, drop the hot dog, let’s take a step back and breathe here.

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And it’s here that you find me on my patio in suburb USA. Remembering and reflecting that I can not binge-watch my entire life although god knows sometimes, I try. I can’t speak for myself in 5 years. Just like I couldn’t speak for myself 3 years ago. And maybe there will come a point where I see the point, but until then, all I can do is watch what’s in front of me.

And what’s playing in front of me right now is a new job in a completely new city. There’s going to be a whole new set of stories. And characters. And failures. And success! And personally, I think that’s a pretty good premiere episode to season 3 of Leftovers From Friday.

And so in conclusion, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m definitely going to keep watching to find out what happens next.

Rainstorm begins. Ominously? Refreshingly? Cleansingly? Forebodingly?

Regardless…end scene,

M

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8 thoughts on “2+2=5 (I know. I don’t get it either.)

  1. Kimi says:

    I’m in the exact same place. Landed two side jobs in LA (Malibu) and nervous as hell as to what will happen next. So far you’re journey is just begun, awesome read today.

    Keep killin it and stay hungry!

    – K

  2. rachderv says:

    I have one semester left in school and couldn’t agree more with you on this. Sometimes it’s more about figuring out what you don’t want to do than what you want to do. Sometimes it helps me to just stop and think about what makes me happy and chase after that. That’s why I started blogging recently because it’s at least one thing I’ve figured out that I enjoy. 🙂

  3. Priscilla Marie says:

    Great post! Your writing style always makes me want to read to the very end. I feel the same way sometimes. I often wonder how I am where I am… with a Master’s Degree and unemployed for over 6 months and student loans about to kick in. I mean, I baby-sit rich people’s kids for cash, thankfully, not the snobby kind. But, I have a roof and food and health and love. I remind myself that is all we really need in life after all. It is hard to stay positive but the way I see it, it could be worse. And of course… Season 3 of your series can only get better 😉 Congrats on the new job and new city…. that sounds incredibly awesome and can only bring new experiences!

  4. James Thuch Madhier says:

    I just admire your posts Meg. You have got the style and meaningful contents. I wont say keep up because you kept up to this far already. Keep it burning! Write a book about employment and what youths go through as the hunt for jobs.

  5. Amira says:

    Lovely read. I’m at that point you were three years ago, and I barely have a 6-month plan, let alone a 5-year or a 10-year one. I am extremely jealous of those who have figured their sh*t out so soon.

    Good luck with the new job!

    • megrug says:

      Thank you!! And between you and me and the wordpress wall– it’s not a straight line. It’s a constant figure out life and those who think they have it all together are kidding themselves! Keep going after what you love and the rest will fall into place. It takes time and heartbreak and frustration but it’s worth it I promise! Good luck! Xx

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